Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
