i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
