I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I want to have your abortion
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
