Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
