just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
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