I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
