take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
