this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
