she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my phone needs a breathalizer
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
