New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
