just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
