He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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