Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
