my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
