She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize