wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
