we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
