Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
