Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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