So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
