i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
