I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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