Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
