New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
