Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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