so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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