i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
