I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
