Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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