Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
