just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
