He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
