Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
