i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
