I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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