Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
