I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize