I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
