I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
