I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
