I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
