girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
