conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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