You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
