Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
