its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
