I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
