Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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