I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
