I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
