last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
