you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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