i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
