Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i out mim tonsoeep
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