I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
