I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
