After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
