Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
