Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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