hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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