My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
