she was so not down for the gang bang
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
