Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
