i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
