I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
