During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
