so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
