Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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