My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
