david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
