some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
