this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
