can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
