I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
