Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think your dad took our porno
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
