So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just blew my weed a kiss
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
