Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
