We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
