That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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