so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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