gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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