opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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