I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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