I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Im part way to drunk.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
