I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
