She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize