whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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