did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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