I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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