If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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