Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
