at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
