Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize