just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
