Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
