Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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