so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
