I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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