theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
